“Yes, I am totally normal and can be trusted to write essay content.”
“No, but there’s a scientific method to what you went through. You as in I as in you reading.”
“What do you mean what you went through?”
“Is it echoing in here or is it just me?”
“In where? Oh my god.”
“I’m talking about my own brain. That happened to me once, my thoughts echoed. There is – know this in your heart and know it well – there is an ontological evil in this world.”
“Something about the way you’re writing is slightly confusing.”
“Could you stand to visualize yourself plunging into the cold abyssal expanse of my mind for a moment?”
“The cold abyssal expanse of your mi-“
“I’m trying to write in a way that condenses time into a singular moment.”
“Right, what does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to repeat certain statements in the aim of making the writing indicative of a singular moment condensed as if into a black hole.”
“Right, right. Totally normal. Why are we doing this as dialogue?”
“You’re my inner hater who acts like I’m not making sense when I’m speaking rather CLEARLY about something vital artistic.”
“Sometimes, my dear, you just say things. Sometimes you just do things with the writing that aren’t generally done for the sake of professionalism in style, as in that’s why they’re not done. When you just say things and jump between topics you look schizophrenic in the writing. When you just do things you may look unprofessional. There’s the idea of ‘this is how it is done,’ with artistic endeavors, with professional ones, people have certain standards and expectations. They’re looking at you, the readers are looking at you right now, they can see you talking to yourself.”
“I look schizophrenic? I of all people look schizophrenic? I the town crier? When all I seek to do- let me explain myself. Have you ever heard of THE SENSORIUM? No? How about you hold on and listen a little longer to disconnected connected points and sentences and then I’ll explain THE SENSORIUM to you.”
Apologies, my love. I figured simulating conversation with you was the best way to get through to you.
There’s something beneath the writing and it’s a kind of affect it’s not an intentional theme it’s a kind of torture that’s designed to take place.
“It’s like simulating sex.” Something whispered that.
The theme is gothic; what I’ve gathered for you are a series of gothic writings. In the corners of Hell I have met creatures, creatures profane and creatures insane and creatures majestically strange; occasionally in these writings I seek in some fashion to, shall we say, “explore their soul.” In some fashions I see myself as an anthropologist of demons.
I figure I’ll offer a few weird introductions, yes? What I’m introducing is where I’m at as a creator.
Allow the reading to jump and encircle topics and repeat certain points in a battering via reading I call THE SENSORIUM.
Laugh if you must.
What it is as in what THE SENSORIUM, which is a THIRD PARTY INTERACTION INFLUENCING the literature at hand being writ, is, it is an endeavor to make artwork an act of emotional and cognitive art rather than literature to be read for the base layer appreciation of words and story. What I am seeking are certain intellectual interactions with your mind that occur as I jump between topics. What I am seeking is to create a mass of feeling that functions like eye motion therapy in the form of literature.
If you have ever written for these same reasons I commend you.
Please, please, my dear, keep in mind that the former paragraph is my intent in writing.
I’d like to present this argument to you: All wizards are philosophers. Yes? Since both parties work with concepts like the world soul, the nature of God, metaphysics, the afterlife, and several other overlapping topics. I find this interesting.
I suppose I’ll get off my chest that I occasionally find myself derangedly hateful over my own work. This will and will not make sense to you and it depends when and in which fashion you’ve viewed it. What I’m seeking to create is some fashion of beauty which I’ll describe in this essay at length as monstrous, inducing of hilarity. Maybe to you, the work is merely bland.
They say eventually I’ll heal and be able to accept myself as I am.
The thing about creating is that nobody’s eyes are worse than the creator’s, which have memory.
I generally find myself obsessively interested in the underdark and in art. These matters are not childish but they are an adult’s means of finding an inner child.
Other matters of import which I’ve become obsessively obsessed with as an artist and as a working human in ways which have disturbed those around me: The idea that I need to WAKE PEOPLE UP, as if life itself is a nightmare and we all must find a way to WAKE UP (this I’ve received concerned remarks for, it’s been a dogged mission of mine all the same), also the idea that as an artist in particular it’s important for me to break from the social contract in some fashion, in seeking boldness and other ephemeral initiatives for consciousness.
When I investigate what I want as a creator and artist it’s in many ways and at many times to expand the diction of human talk to include and expand to stranger subject matters, also to experiment with tone at times.
Often when I write I have some strange underlying motive artistic which I leave undisclosed and which plagues the writing like a beautiful mind’s neurosis would; for example I once wrote an academic text which was designed to follow along linguistically and sonically to a selection of jazz music, did not disclose this to the readers, and allowed this motif to make the reading jumpy, harsh, and brash brassy. What happened as a result from this was one reader declaring that something was… wrong… with the text. Perhaps the ghost of an enigma which is having many aims and purposes in what could should be a simple text.
I can only hope that when I write the audience actually understands me, frankly I suspect that often my viewpoints are lost under a wave which is called “mystery,” in which the writing merely registers as mysterious to the reader, so often I shout when I write, this includes the use of bolded statements, capital letters, repetitive statements, and likely other means of shouting more neurotic.
The fear of not being understood, this is powerful, which Freudian issue does this result from, likely a sexual one. The fear of my sexuality, which is similar in metaphor to artwork, not being understood by the partner, this is an issue with violent outcomes, upsetting outcomes, it could mean degradation or rape. When my sentiments are not understood, does this translate to an issue with sexuality?
Or does my inner babe have some child-repressed fear of not being understood in the babbling days?
What I’ve gone which affects that art is that which happens on some level for all people which is primarily Freudian and what I’ve realized about life is that all things are inherently Freudian and revolve around unmet needs.
I once heard the voice of my soul say “she’s only yowling if something’s wrong!”
Yowling of course meant philosophizing or writing or things of this nature.
Like a baby crying.
I was haunted by the idea of cats at this time.
“Something’s wrong” meant something quite ominous. It was a strange incident. Hard to explain.
Night itself is feeling ominous right now.
But is it not weird that we have to investigate the neurosis responsible for why we say what we say?
At least I do.
I often talk about things in ways which elicit the response that something’s vaguely wrong.
Like a baby crying?
Sometimes I write about things which are wrong.
I’ve tried to figure out what it is before, someone told me once that whatever it is is sacred work.
I call it the MONSTER.
I’ve tried to label it in other ways, “PROVOCATION THEORY” is a start, that somehow, by this one ghost I’m convinced I was cursed to be a PROVOCATION ARTIST because you see he’s the only ghost I didn’t reach out to out of all the ghosts I could have at the time. Are you sensing something wrong yet?
I hope you can bear witness to this now with me.
There is a paranormal force in this world.
This site, you can sense it, right? How there’s something wrong with it?
Someone’s said that to me before, it’s a complex thing that’s been haunting me for a while now and it has to do with things said but also these rages that come over me where I destroy my latest project in some way or fashion.
As yet only certain paintings of mine have remained free from this process.
I’ll keep going and see if you can track how there’s something wrong here.
There’s a way of encircling topics that they say can induce insanity, I’m sorry that I’m trying to do that now, but my process is a strange one and it involves inducing insanity as yet. Another someone told me that’s sacred work, but are you sensing something wrong?
I try to find artistry in the madhouse that is the spiritual. This is best conveyed through artwork and poetry, but sometimes ghost stories can be found as well which I personally, I don’t know about you, find fascinating.
What I need to share with you early on that is of primary humanistic importance is that the spirit world is laden in notions like piety and insanity but how I approach the spirit world is as little creatures of the dark which we may play with. This is important.
Now the tricky thing about shamanism is therefore determining HOW to determine that you’re interacting with another mind. This is an inherently philosophical endeavor. It sounds crazy, but what you’re doing is interacting with the fine layered intricacies of the mind and it’s planar perception and then philosophically seeking out different consciousness.
Now of course people who endeavor to be mediums will find this obvious but the world is not the only thing which is vast, beautifully the mind is, vast, what’s not always accepted by humanity is how vast and in which ways the mind may be.
So, to answer my opening question on insanity, insanity is possible in subtle ways most akin to a harlequin from Arkham if you explore the subtle arts of magic. This is a good thing. This is accompanied by a statement from the universe as I write now, “This is gonna send you to the hospital, you know.”
There was once a time when all I lived for was the confirmation of magic, which is subtle and vital if you know the right ways to find it.
What I endeavor to do always is to explore as a creator. What this has pressed are even my boundaries of taste. What impresses me is my ability to keep moving on as a creator despite the horror.
Some things that I’ve writ I find laughable. I mentioned that hilarity – summoning hilarity – is part of my purpose. In this horrifying laughability I hope my effect has been artistic.
Often I call it a monster, whatever last thing that I’ve made.
I’ve been haunted by this idea of THE MONSTER for about 4 years now?
What I seek to do always as an artist is mine for gems. Gems I feel are easiest to find in the form of theories and poetry.
What I hope to create is some kind of sensorium.
Babalon, I mentioned her, do you know her?
Yes, the Whore of Babylon.
The one in the Bible, for starters.
I considered naming this site “TALES OF THE UNDERDARK” and mayhaps I still will, but what is important about Babalon is one tale from the underdark pertaining to demonic FORCES one may find themselves developing within themselves.
Let’s say with BABALON, in particular, losing your mind is an important part of the wizard’s process. I’ve mentioned all this already but what I hadn’t done is connect that BABALON SPECIFICALLY has a crazy dimension to her. It is of course noteworthy that in our lore of the woman what she does is a) commit acts of harlotry, b) drink the blood of the Christian saints in some apocalyptic vampiric ritual, and c) ride upon a many-headed monster. This starting basis for a being, we have to admit to ourselves, sounds like trouble, right?
Good trouble, I’d say.
Sometimes I feel a desire to break up with Babalon?
It’s not that we’re dating, it’s something strange that someone described how to do in strange ways, whatever IT is between us, Babalon and I.
I could describe further or I could be classier than that.
Why I bring this up also is to push the bounds of human activities a little.
BABALON is a DIVINE WHORE who is a FORCE present in ALL BEINGS (if you take the arguments of folk like Aleister Crowley as granted). JACK PARSONS was a BOMB SCIENTIST in the 1940s-1950s who made an INSTRUCTION MANUAL titled BABALON WORKING, which describes how to make BABALON INCARNATE in a LIVING WOMAN. This I did to myself. I followed the instruction manual loosely as a demonologist plunged into the field of DEMONS doing the BABALON WORKING INSTRUCTION MANUAL on MYSELF through INTRICATE ORNATE RITUALS OF THE MIND AND BODY over the course of ONE YEAR, yes.
Now why would you do this well I’ll explain a little of what she DOES in a while.
Once this ONE YEAR of DEMONIC POSSESSION was over I cast a spell – that “EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED,” including when we talk, as if we talk about the connections in what is all rather than TALKING about anything and everything INSTEAD as a SPELL CAST ON VERBIAGE. I was inspired by the idea of RED THREADS CONNECTING, and RED THREADS wears BABALON in her one iconographic image, decked in PEARLS and JEWELS and a SCARLET ROBE riding THE BEAST, SEVEN ARE THE HEADS OF THE BEAST WHEREON SHE RIDETH, a SEVEN-HEADED ANGEL, a SAINT, a POET, an ADULTEROUS WOMAN, a MAN OF VALOUR, a SATYR, and a LION-SERPENT. These are the SEVEN HEADS of THE BEAST. WHAT THE BEAST MEANS IS A MYSTERY, and MYSTERY wears BABALON upon her forehead in REVELATORY IMAGE in the BIBLE’s REVELATION.
BABALON represents DIONYSIAN FREEDOM, SHADOW WORK, SENSUALITY, FREEDOM TO SPEAK, NOT OF SPEECH BUT TO SPEAK LOUDLY ABOUT MATTERS OFT UNSPOKE ABOUT SUCH AS SEX. MAGIC, AND WACKY THEORIES AND SEX. I INCLUDE AS A PERSONAL TINT MATTERS UNSPOKE ABOUT SUCH AS MADNESS, FOR MADNESS I IDENTIFY WITH AS ARTISTIC FLAIR, SOMETHING LIKE A SPOOKY FUNHOUSE?
So WHAT HAPPENED when I did all these ornate rituals to BABALON is that I started dancing more and I started having more demonic sex. This makes sense as far as egregoric influences go. I also started thinking harder about the intricacies of sex and of speech. I became vampiric in a new way.
What I am always seeking are new ways to be vampiric, I share some methods and not all.
What this is ABOUT is the capacity to exceed human limits as far as the AUDACITY of WHAT you do goes. Where this audacity is located HERE is in wizardry.
What I request is that you take this seriously in your magical inner child and unseriously in your unmagical inner adult.
I feel I’ve properly banged on about wizards, insane people, and Babalon enough to suffice myself at this present point in time, hopefully you feel the same, hopefully it’s refreshing on your end to read content about these matters.
SHALL WE PROCEED?
The Babalon Workings; 